Quips, Questions, Quotes . . . and Highly Selected Aphorisms

Volume Two Reflections on six decades of life experience

I have always taken special note of birthdays on decades. Before I turned 20, I savored my last days as a teenager. At 30, I noted with some anxiety how fleeting time is, when I still had so many goals. By forty, my life had changed, and I basked in the feelings of “being mature”. Then, at 50, I decided to celebrate by writing Volume 1 of “Quips, Questions, Quotes . . . Reflections on a half-century of life experience” and sending it to my friends. This volume was written as I approached 60. (February, 1999)

Thoughts about legacy seem to increase with age—how do I really want to be remembered? It’s such a great question, we should think about it earlier in life.

Legacy is like a spiral—a great intergenerational gift: what we are is a gift from our elders; we shape and mold it, and leave it as a gift for our families.

Life seems to go better when I remember not to should on myself. It can lead to “ought-ism”, hardening of the “oughteries”, who knows what else?

I went to my 40th high school reunion—my first. It was fascinating to share memories, to see how differently we remembered our shared experiences, and to note how the years have changed —and not changed—each of us. Reunions are like good fertilizer: they stimulate root growth.

“What does the Lord require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God?” — Micah

One of the great things about doing difficult and risky things (like wilderness trekking) is that you sometimes exhaust your physical and emotional resources; that’s when you learn how to reach down and get more.

“Everybody gets into situations where we don’t know what to do. The difference between strong people and weak people is that strong people can figure out what to do when they don’t know what to do.” — William Glasser.

I used to think there would be a time in my life when I would be all grown up. Now I realize that being grown up is knowing that I will never be all grown up.

“There is no order of difficulty in miracles.” — A Course in Miracles

It makes a big difference in your life whether you experience the universe as a friendly or an unfriendly place. To what extent do we have a choice in this?

“They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.” — Isaiah

Do You Use Celebration Thinking?

Here is another answer to the seminal question: "How do you figure out what to do when you don't know what to do?"

I am fascinated watching how energy flows in groups. Working with a wide variety of groups for many years, I started paying attention to the things that seem to energize a group, and things that drain energy. I think of groups as having an energy account, with energizing things as credits and energy drains as debits. Groups (and relationships) have a kind of running energy balance, and effective ones keep a positive balance. Talking about problems seems to drain energy, while discussing strengths adds energy to a group. If this is true, we should talk about the positive aspects of our group or relationship – thus adding energy – before talking about our problems. It isn’t that we ignore the problems, just that we discuss the strengths first. Otherwise, it is somewhat like writing the check before making the deposit. So I invented the term celebration thinking – thinking about what we have before thinking about what we don’t have.

A cross functional team at a plastics manufacturing company was working to build employee involvement to help the company be more competitive in a global market. The team included members of management, union leaders, and workers, from all areas of the factory. After four months, the team had tried quite a few things. As he walked in for a team meeting, a fork lift driver commented: “I don’t know why we keep meeting. We haven’t accomplished a thing!” Hearing this, I walked to the flip chart, wrote “Signs of Progress”, and asked: “Does anyone see any signs that we are making progress?” The team members starting talking, almost faster than I could write, until we had four large chart sheets filled with signs of progress!

If we mainly focus on the negatives, or if we focus on the problems first, we sacrifice the great potential of group energy, insight, and initiative.
This is a little different from a “half-full” or “half empty” perspective. Here, we are looking at both problems and possibilities, but we are doing it in an intentional order. We are talking about what we have before talking about what we don’t have.

This approach is sometimes called “appreciative inquiry”; it focuses on cultivating our appreciation – of small and every day things – as well as big things.

Michael Groh, Jim Mallard, and I were working on a contract with the state of Kansas, implementing prevention programs in communities throughout the state. When we had been writing the proposal, Jim (who lived in Montana) was not very enthusiastic. “Kansas”, he scoffed, “That’s the most boring place in the country. Why would we want to work in Kansas?” Later, after the Kansas project had started, Michael and I were driving one afternoon down the Salmon River valley in Idaho. We drove along the river beneath the Sawtooth Range, through narrow gorges, past hot springs turning to steam as they flowed into the cold river; it was a breathtaking drive. Michael turned to me and said: “Well, this isn’t Kansas, but for what it is, it’s pretty nice.” That comment reframed Kansas, and we started getting into Kansas on its own terms. We found that to understand Kansas, you need to slow down. Beauty in the Idaho mountains hits you in the face. Beauty in Kansas is more subtle – no less complex or interesting – but more subtle. There is no place on earth that could do a better job of being Kansas. It is perfect for the part!